College and University Blog
College Advice for Parents: Dealing with Empty Nest Syndrome
Raising teenagers is a tough job, but letting go when the time arrives can be just as challenging. It鈥檚 not unusual for parents to experience feelings of loss and loneliness known as empty nest syndrome when their children go off to college.
Dedicating most of your time, money and energy to a child for 17 or 18 years means that life can seem drastically different when he or she leaves the house. If your son or daughter has graduated from high school and will be heading off to college this fall, consider the following college advice for parents鈥攁 little help in dealing with empty nest syndrome.
Start to 鈥渨ean yourself鈥� in advance.
Some teenagers have curfews while other parents simply ask their kids to estimate when they鈥檒l be home for the night and call if plans change. Not knowing where your child is or what he鈥檚 doing鈥攕itting at school, grabbing dinner with friends鈥攁s often as you鈥檙e accustomed to can be tough. Even if you don鈥檛 consider yourself an overprotective parent, start to distance yourself a bit before your son or daughter goes off to college. It鈥檚 okay to have rules in place while your child is living under your roof, but don鈥檛 treat him or her like a 10-year-old. They won鈥檛 be home much longer.
Teach basic survival skills.
It鈥檚 sad but true. Many teenagers don鈥檛 know how to wash their own clothes or cook basic meals like a box of macaroni and cheese. If you鈥檝e done your family鈥檚 laundry for the last 20 years, explain how to separate whites from colors and read clothing labels. Show your teen how to make a couple of easy dinners from nonperishable foods. Demonstrate how to balance a check book. Explain the importance of paying bills鈥攐n time!鈥攁nd warn them about the dangers of credit card debt, but don’t be shocked if your advice is greeted with rolling eyes.
Discuss your expectations and goals before move-in day.
Move-in day will most likely be hectic. Just picture hundreds of other college freshmen and their parents, lugging suitcases and boxes and who-knows-what. It won鈥檛 be a great time to talk about grades, finances and the like. Discuss money matters, like what you will and will not pay for, and other things of concern many months in advance. Explain to your child that you鈥檙e excited for them but will miss them. Don鈥檛 try to hold a serious conversation when you鈥檙e dropping them off at the dorm. It won鈥檛 work out.
Keep things in perspective.
It鈥檚 common for college freshmen to be incredibly excited about leaving home for the first time and it鈥檚 normal for parents to feel a bit down in the dumps due to empty nest syndrome. Teens change a lot during their freshmen year, so you鈥檒l notice plenty of new habits and viewpoints鈥攕ome that you may not completely agree with鈥攚hen your child comes home for Thanksgiving or Christmas break. You鈥檒l probably even hear comments like, 鈥淚鈥檓 not a kid anymore!鈥� Just remind yourself that you鈥檙e not alone in this boat and realize that you鈥檒l always be Mom or Dad.
Keep in touch.
Text messages and email make it easy to keep in touch without interrupting your child鈥檚 schedule with a phone call. Don鈥檛 be overly concerned if your child doesn鈥檛 respond immediately but try to schedule weekly calls or Skype sessions to check-in. If you鈥檙e close enough to campus to make the trip for the weekend, visit occasionally but not too frequently.
Pick up a new hobby or return to one you鈥檝e neglected.
Love to cook but have picky eaters at home? Does the book club you鈥檝e always wanted to join meet on Tuesdays, the nights you used to attend high school sports functions? Start to take advantage of your newfound 鈥渕e time.鈥� Pretty soon you鈥檒l realize just how much you enjoy it!
Resist the temptation to solve all of your son or daughter鈥檚 problems 鈥�
If your daughter calls you to complain about her roommate, a bad grade or lack of funds for partying, listen and sympathize without coming to the rescue. Offer advice if you鈥檙e asked, but don鈥檛 expect her to follow through. She may just want to vent. Remind yourself that learning to survive without Mom and Dad means learning how to deal with life鈥檚 inconveniences.
鈥� but intervene when necessary.
If you suspect or learn something critical鈥攆or example, your son or daughter has started abusing drugs or has developed an eating disorder鈥攕eek help. Trust your instincts.
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Melissa Rhone earned her Bachelor of Music in Education from the University of Tampa. She resides in the Tampa Bay area and enjoys writing about college, pop culture, and epilepsy awareness.