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A few weeks ago I went over my friend鈥檚 house for dinner. It wasn鈥檛 a party, but a few of her co-workers were also there and I somehow got stuck talking to one of the other women. After being around her for an hour or so I found myself trying to think of excuses as to why I had to leave early. I wanted to escape.

This woman talked about herself nonstop. I got to hear all about her recent promotion, the color she just painted her house, what kind of mileage her new car gets, and the special food she has to buy her dog 鈥� you get the picture. I kept my mouth shut for the sake of my friend, but what I really wanted to do was interrupt her and say, 鈥淲ow! Thanks for monopolizing the conversation so that it was entirely about you!鈥�

A Narcissistic Society

It鈥檚 one thing to be self-confident; it鈥檚 another to be downright arrogant. Apparently this sort of behavior is pretty common. Professor Jean Twenge of San Diego State University and four of her colleagues performed a which involved examining the responses of 16,475 college students nationwide who completed an evaluation called the Narcissistic Personality Inventory鈥攐r NPI鈥攂etween 1982 and 2006. Their findings? Today鈥檚 college students are more narcissistic and self-centered than their predecessors.

The researchers described their study as the largest of its type ever performed, and they say that students鈥� NPI scores have risen steadily since the current test was introduced in 1982. Their findings show that by 2006, two-thirds of the students had above-average scores, which was 30 percent more than in 1982.

Jean Twenge and W. Keith Campbell of the University of Georgia, who also participated in the study, are the co-authors of a 2009 book called The book points out that the parents of today鈥檚 college students have built up their children鈥檚 self-confidence, but also created a disproportionate sense of self-worth in the process.

Twenge reported that 10 percent of today鈥檚 twenty-somethings鈥攖he members of Generation Me, as they鈥檙e often called鈥� have already experienced symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder. The Mayo Clinic defines it as 鈥渁 mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings.鈥�

I doubt that my friend鈥檚 co-worker had a mental disorder, but she definitely enjoyed hearing herself talk. I鈥檓 in the same age bracket as that woman and she drove me nuts.

Be Confident Without Being Arrogant

Confidence is a powerful trait that can help you be successful throughout college and your career, but there鈥檚 a difference between confidence and narcissism or arrogance. If you鈥檙e an arrogant know-it-all, you鈥檒l easily turn people off. Eventually they won鈥檛 want to deal with you, and your 鈥淢e鈥� attitude might cost you opportunities for advancement at work or hurt your reputation. Here are four ways to be confident without being arrogant:

• Be Sincere. Talk with others about the things that are going on in their lives instead of always talking about you. Offer compliments and advice often.

• Be Approachable. Arrogance can make you come across as standoffish. I know plenty of self-confident people that I have no problem walking right up to, but if I saw my friend鈥檚 co-worker out in public I鈥檇 probably try to hide from her.

• Admit When You Are Wrong. Confident people have no problem saying, 鈥淚 goofed up.鈥� Arrogant people find ways to make others think they were right even when they weren鈥檛 or blame other people for their mistakes.

• Be Humble. If someone compliments you, thank them but don鈥檛 go overboard. Arrogant people enjoy the spotlight a little too much.

Posted on 14 Jul

Melissa Rhone earned her Bachelor of Music in Education from the University of Tampa. She resides in the Tampa Bay area and enjoys writing about college, pop culture, and epilepsy awareness.